Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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