A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The uberlube is also flammable
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
