That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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