What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
