Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
