so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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