She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
