ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
