I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
