Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
