so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
