apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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