My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
