Reggie can tackle my bush.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
