Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
