i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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