I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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