Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
