My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
