just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
