I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
