I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
