; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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