i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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