i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
