pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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