Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She announced her abortion via fbk
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
