i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
