She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
