I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
