Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
