Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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