NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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