he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
