The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
