this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
