How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
