Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
