Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
