He had one of those small greek statue penises
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
