Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
