Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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