Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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