Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
