so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
