first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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