mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
