Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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