I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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