He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
