if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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