Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
