also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
