A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
