All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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