I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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