wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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