I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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