Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
