I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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