So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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