Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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