When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
