Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
