Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
