I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
