i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
