You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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