The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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