can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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