you guys were way drunker than both of me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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