I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
